Salty Love

Photo by Ibai Acevedo

Salt.

The intense, brittle smell seemed to congest my senses while I waited and watched the thundering of waves metres in front of me. Crouching on the damp sand, I could feel each crash of white surf deep within my chest.

Every now and then, the high pitch squawk of curious sea birds hovering over me would break through my stare into the endless horizon. The early morning was yet to see its sun, giving the miles of ocean, stretching as far as my eyes could see, a deep shade of navy blue.

Growing up close to the sea, the beach had always been a place of wonder and sanctuary. Whether in the heart of the night, or middle of the day; this place always refreshed my soul.

Holding my breath and listening beyond the beat of my heart, I could almost make out a siren song. Whispering. Calling. Enticing. ‘Join us in the water. Swim with us in the deep.’

But I couldn’t. I had made my decision. And somehow, the ocean knew.

Dread at my choice rested heavy in my stomach. My digging toes searching for comfort in the salt-riddled sand. 

Raising my arm, shaky fingers wrap around the turquoise pearl hanging from my neck. His gift. His promise. To always be there. To always meet me halfway.

The beach. 

It was where we had met. It was where we had loved. It would now be our end.

In a way he had destroyed what we had, wanting me to go where he knew I couldn’t. Wanting me to give up on all I held dear, to hold him. An ultimatum. Requiring me to sacrifice everything.

It had broken my infatuation with him. And when the scales flittered from my eyes, I'd finally been able to see clearly. All we had was salty love. Drinkable. In the moment. But nothing that could sustain. Nothing that could grow.

So, no. I would leave this beach today without him.

Focused on my thoughts, I almost miss his piercing sapphire eyes peering up at me from the oscillating ocean. He was here. My breath caught. My confidence vanishing. But the grip on my pearl tightened. And so did my nerve.

Embodying the sea he rose from; with sandy, tanned skin, deep cobalt eyes, and twined jet hair, Caspian made his way towards me. His presence, an impending hurricane on my very being.

Finally reaching his destination, he smiled. His teeth different to my own; sharper, more pointed.

“Have you made your decision?” He asked, shifting a flying strand of my loose hair back behind my ear. I nodded numbly, my eyes dropping to the string of shark teeth crossing over his scarred chest.

Butterflies convulse deep in the pit of my stomach. “Yes.” Eyes slamming shut at my confirmation, blocking out what I couldn’t face. Squashing a liquid ball from my eye.

A small caress of my cheek. “Is this a tear of joy?” He asked, his tone so certain it was.

Still safe within my darkness, I shake my head. Finally I open my mouth, “I can’t go.” My voice seemed to belong to a small dying animal. I repeated again, this time firmer. “I can’t go,” I pause and open my eyes to catch his, “with you.”

Immediately his sapphire eyes deepen to dark depths where sunlight barely reaches. Behind him the waves roar. Climbing higher and higher with each crash of foam. “What?” He whispers, his gaze searching mine for an explanation.

“My life is on land Caspian.”

“You’ll be with me.”

“I’m sorry. That’s not enough.” Maybe I was being cruel? But he wanted to change me. He saw it as love. And I didn't.

Silence consumed us. My decision sinking us to a depth neither of us could return from.

“I thought.” He sighed, scratching his head. “I thought you would come with me.” He looked to the sky, releasing a disbelieving laugh before his gaze returned to mine. “What an idiot.”

“What if I don’t have to change, what if we can just stay on the beach.” I desperately try to offer him. To try to cling to what we had.

He shakes his head with another haunting laugh. “No Sabrina, I have to return to my people. My home.”

Another tear slides down my cheek, “Then go. Leave me.”

Caspian closed the small gap between us. Crushing me to his chest. Letting go of the pearl, I wrapped my arms around him, sinking into his cool comfort. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest beneath my ear. His heart beating unusually fast, giving away the whipping turmoil just beneath his serene surface.

“I love you.” He rumbled, tightening his grip. Before I could respond, he spoke again. “And I’m sorry.”

Instantly he lets me go. His sudden absence jarring. 

I frown, “What?” My simple question answered immediately by the light shining from the pearl at my neck. “Caspian, what’s going on?”

He just stood there and waited. Everything closed off, arms crossed, mouth grim, navy eyes cold.

The light blared even brighter, forcing me to squint. I clutched frantically at the necklace, tugging and ripping, trying to get it off. Whatever it was, whatever he was waiting for it to do. I couldn’t let it happen.

I scream, running for the safety of land. “Help!” I yell, still trying to jerk the necklace off.

But heat starts to boil inside of me. Each step becoming harder and harder. “Help!” I try to scream again, the word difficult to form.

I was melting from the inside out, my arms and legs collapsing under the weight of my body. I was panting. Trying to draw precious air into my lungs, trying to cool my body down.

The light gone, a shadow replacing it; Caspian stood above me. “Help.” I sobbed beyond pain, beyond torture.

He knelt down, “Shhh...” His hand smoothed the sweat from my brow. “It’ll be over soon.” 

The beginnings of hate bubbled with the heat in my chest. But he was right, the scorching pressure was soothing down.

My mind refocuses to the tingling sensation forming beneath my skin. Feeling the little feet of hundreds of insects, my skin starts to crawl. The instinctual need to itch compelling me to run my nails everywhere I could reach.

Relieved for a millisecond, the irritation became more intense. I was drowning. I didn’t care about my next breath, I just wanted to scratch.

Until my bones started to crack.

I don’t know how long I screamed, how long the searing pain lasted. I must have blacked out. My mind giving up, no longer able to withstand the pressure of my bones breaking.  

Eventually I found myself peering up at the blue sky disorientated. The sun just shooting through the horizon, partially blocked out by Caspian’s kneeling form. The golden light causing a luscious halo to surround him. With his warm hand stroking my brow and soft murmurs of love caressing my heart I almost forget.

Heat. Itch. Pain. My memories washing over me in a rush.

Hissing and flinching to get away, I opened my mouth to tell him to leave me alone. But all that came out was a bark. The offending noise freezing me in place. I tried to speak again, the bark stronger this time.

‘What’s going on? Why can’t I speak?’ My panic rising as I fail to stand up, realising my arms were no longer arms, but flippers.

‘Calm down Sabrina, you’re alright now.’ It was Caspian. His words inside my head.

‘No. Please, No.’ My denial echoed. My gaze traveling to the rest of my body. Large brown spots covered a thick grey pelt of fur. Where my legs should have been, was a blubbery tail.

He had done it. He had changed me against my will.

‘Change me back. Please, change me back!’ I cry.

‘I can’t.’ His reply shimmered in my mind. ‘You’re a Selkie now. You’re my Selkie.’